I lost myself again the other night.
This sort of thing used to happen often–especially when I was in the 8-12 range. I’d sail with Caspian; sit quietly with Fern; drink Chocolate with Charlie; dance with Ramona; solve mysteries with Frank and Joe (and once or twice, Nancy).
As I have grown older that has happened less and less.
Part of that is being a parent of a 9 month old–at the end of a day, it is hard to get away to other worlds when you find yourself falling asleep in the middle of the page.
Part of it is also that most of the reading I do during the day is so purposley self-aware. I explore this article or that bible passage too often as a means to achieve some end–something for the sermon, or for the bible study, or for the youth group. You cannot really fall into some place mysterious if you find yourself looking for it all the time.
But it happened again the other night, I fell into such a place, almost (and not coincidentally) by accident.
A single title had piqued my interest–I saw something on-line about it being a movie that was generating Oscar buzz. The title was intriguing, and the price on Amazon was affordable. So I clicked and downloaded and, at 9:30pm, opened myself up again to wonder.
I started slowly at first, telling myself every now and then, “Just a few bits more and then I will go asleep. No need to finish it all at once.” But then this bit would be a bit shorter, and this twist and turn would be just a bit more compelling, and before you know it, it happened.
I lost myself. Or maybe I simply found myself, again.
Either way, this time I was racing along with Pat; chanting at Eagles games; contemplating loss, and grief, and the hope of love; nodding my head that it is indeed better to be more kind than right.
When I reached an end, it was nearly 1:00 in the morning. I would need to be be up, no matter how tired, in only 5 hours.
It was worth it. Losing and finding one’s self in something so wonderful usually is.